Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
