Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
