3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
