Jerry, you need to find god
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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