i permit you to call me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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