Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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