So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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