Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
