Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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