I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I party with great urgency now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
