Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off

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(510): View more from California

i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

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(216): View more from Ohio

When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk

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(513): View more from Ohio

Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small

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(541): View more from Oregon

We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple

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