So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
