dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
