you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
