Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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