Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
