one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
