i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
