any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
