i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
