I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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