I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
