wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
