38 yer olds are good kisserssss
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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