Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
