I think I won the penis lottery.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
