just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
