there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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