Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
