He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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