Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
