Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
