If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
