i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
