my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
