I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
