Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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