He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
