I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need a beard to bite.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
