So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
