she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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