He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
