3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
