I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
