dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize