just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
