So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
