That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
