Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize