Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
