I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
