shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
