found the other keg... it's in the tree
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
