WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
