So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
