he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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