Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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