talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
