I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
