I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A bitchslap is in order.
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