So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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