Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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