was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize