this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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