Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
