God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
