And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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