Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
