Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He did a backflip because drugs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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